Julia Gets Her Star!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus — our friend and fellow Northwestern, Mee-Ow Show, and Practical Theatre Company alum – is getting her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Tuesday, May 4, 2010.

Now that Julia is a certified Hollywood legend, let us recall a couple of comic steps that Julia took along her path to greater comedy glory.

There was the 1980 Mee-Ow Show, Ten Against the Empire, which is where I met Julia and first worked with her.

Then, there was the Practical Theatre Company’s 1981 improvisational comedy revue, Scubba Hey! On this show, Julia met her future husband, my good buddy and partner in the PTC, Brad Hall.

The cast of "Scubba Hey": The author, Brad Hall, Julia, Rush Pearson (1981)

And then there was The Practical Theatre Company’s Golden 50th Anniversary Jubilee, a collection of the PTC’s greatest hits, which played at the Piper’s Alley Theatre in Chicago, attracted the attention of Saturday Night Live – and the rest is, of course, history.

"The Golden 50th Jubilee" cast: Brad, Gary Kroeger, Julia, the author (1982)

And now, after her classic, long-running sitcoms Seinfeld and The New Adventures of Old Christine — and more Emmys and awards than you can shake a stick at – Julia’s getting her star on the Walk of Fame alongside such show biz legends as John Barrymore, Clark Gable, Elvis Presley, Lucille Ball and Rin Tin Tin.

Congratulations, Julia! The best is yet to come…

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Vic & Paul: Finally Out of the House

An Evening of Comedy, Music, Marriage & Martinis

Vic & Paul: Back in the day.

After a two-decade absence from the stage, my wife Victoria Zielinski and I will perform once again in The Vic & Paul Show — an original two-person comedy revue with music that will play for three weeks this June at Push Lounge in Woodland Hills.

Imagine that.

It’s 2010 and we’re doing a show. We can hardly believe it ourselves.

Shelly Goldstein, friend and chanteuse.

Our longtime musical director, Steve Rashid, is coming out west from Evanston to accompany us on keyboards – and our good friend (and local cabaret goddess), Shelly Goldstein has not only been heroically giving us what direction we’re capable of absorbing after all these years – she’s also going to be singing her popular cabaret set after our shows each night at Push.

It’s going to be three weeks of fabulous grown-up fun – somewhere between Nick & Nora and Nichols & May (if they were a couple of over-50 parents with grown children.)

Push Lounge is located at 20969 Ventura Boulevard in that picturesque block of Woodland Hills known as The French Quarter. While this French Quarter lacks a Mississippi riverfront, Bourbon Street and beignets – it does have plenty of free parking in the evening. (I’ll say it again: free parking.)

Previews run Thursday, June 10 through Sunday June 13.
(Preview tickets are $10)
Previews will be followed by two weeks of shows:
Thursday, June 17 thru Sunday June 20.
Thursday, June 24 thru Sunday June 27.
(Show Tickets are $20 for adults, $15 for folks under 18)
All shows are at 8:00 PM.

Push Lounge seats about 50 people a night, so if you’re planning to come – just reply to this post, let us know what night you’d like to come (and how many tickets you’d like), and we’ll put you on the reservation list.

The Vic & Paul Show is our way of celebrating our 20th anniversary as husband and wife by doing the thing that brought us together in the first place: having fun onstage and giving folks a chance to laugh along with us at this crazy world in which we live.

About Our Friends & Comic Collaborators:

Steve Rashid (Musical Director, The Vic & Paul Show)

Steve is an Emmy winning composer, performer, producer and recording engineer with a B.A. in Music and Philosophy from Ripon College and a Masters in Music Composition from Northwestern University — and he’s one of the coolest cats we know. Steve’s company, Woodside Avenue Music Productions, is both a recording studio and a record label – and through it he’s released four solo CDs (“i will hold your tiny hand,” “Fidgety Feet,” “As In A Mirror” and “Song of Songs”). In addition, he’s produced/engineered hundreds of recordings for many other artists and labels, spanning jazz, folk, classical, bluegrass, gospel, country and pop music.

Steve’s newest project, cafeunderscore.com, is also his coolest. It’s an online gallery that displays a collection of Steve’s musical portraits of ordinary people observed in coffee shops.  You’ve got to experience it to understand how very groovy it is. (Steve’s a jazz guy, so it’s okay to use the word “groovy” when you talk about him.)

Rashid regularly composes music for dance — often in collaboration with his wife, choreographer Béa Rashid, who runs her own dance school, Dance Center Evanston. (It’s a wise man that works creatively with his wife.)

His jazz group, Steve Rashid and the Porkpies, was called “one of Chicago’s most entertaining groups” by the Chicago Tribune, and WGN Radio has called Steve “a Chicago treasure.” Vic and I are just happy to call him “friend”.

Shelly Goldstein (Director, The Vic & Paul Show — and the talented songstress who’s performing her cabaret set afterward.)

Shelly has been called “Kitten with a Quip”. By day, she’s a writer-performer who has written for every genre of TV, film and stage: screenplays, sitcoms, dramas, documentaries, animation, awards shows, song lyrics, jokes, club acts and special material for such performers as Steve Martin, Debra Messing, Sharon Stone, Liza Minnelli, Paula Abdul, Cybill Shepherd, Eva Longoria Parker, Steven Spielberg, Garry Marshall, James Earl Jones, Norman Lear and Yoko Ono.

By night, Shelly’s an international cabaret performer who has headlined in such venues as The Gardenia, Cinegrill, Hard Rock, 88s Cabaret, and the Inner Circle at the Magic Castle (LA), Pizza on the Park, The Theatre Museum & Frankie’s (London) & the Mill Theatre (Dublin). She sang the Judy Garland songbook in the London Production of Judy & Frank.

A native Chicagoan, Shelly and her husband, Brendan Foley, divide their time between Santa Monica and London. She and Brendan also manage to collaborate as a couple: Shelly co-starred in writer-director Brendan’s film, The Riddle with Sir Derek Jacobi and Vanessa Redgrave and Brendan’s thriller, Legend of the Bog, with Vinnie Jones.

Shelly says she’s thrilled to reconnect onstage with me and Vic and Steve for the first time since the world was young. Indeed, this is going to be a lot of fun.

And we’d like you all to come out to Push Lounge and share the fun (and a smart cocktail or two) with us this June.

Who knows? It may be 20 years before we get a chance to do this again…

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Baseball Season Opens: Of Mud Hens & More…

Baseball is back. Which means that, for some of us, the suffering has just begun.

But despite the travails and triumphs of the teams we follow with such passion each season, the classic American game that legend has attributed to Abner Doubleday — played with a bat and ball — is fundamentally a profound and simple joy.

My hometown Cleveland Indians opened this 2010 baseball season on April 5th in Chicago by scratching out just four hits in a 6-0 loss to the White Sox. An ill omen, to be sure. Three days later, 250 miles east on Interstate 80, it will be Opening Day for the Toledo Mud Hens.

For some, the Toledo Mud Hens are a team of 16” softball players who played from the mid 1980’s to the early 90’s in the Chicago Theatre League, led by their manager and sweet-singing slugger, Coach Tom “Wolf” Larson. (More on these Mud Hens later.)

But for the vast majority of those who follow baseball, the Toledo Mud Hens are a minor league baseball team that plays in the International League. The current Mud Hens are the latest of a series of pro ballclubs that have called Toledo home since 1883.

For many years, "M*A*S*H" star, Jamie Farr, was the Toledo Mud Hens most high-profile fan -- other than Wolf Larson, of course.

The name “Mud Hens” was bestowed upon the team in 1896, as one of the two parks they played in that year was located near marshland inhabited by American Coots, also known as marsh hens or mud hens.

Today, the team mascot’s name is Muddy, and the female mascot is named Muddonna. (Which sounds a bit sacrilegious to this former altar boy’s ears – but I’m sure the reference is to the pop singer not the BVM. Which should not be confused with the MVP.)

I find it particularly interesting to note that The Mud Hens have a connection to my hometown, though only the most trivia-obsessed baseball fan living beyond Northeast Ohio will be intrigued to learn that The Mud Hens relocated temporarily to Cleveland from 1914-1915. The move was made to ensure that Cleveland’s League Park would have a game every day – and thus help the Cleveland Indians to counter territorial threats by the Federal League. (Damn that upstart Federal League!)

Another Cleveland connection to The Mud Hens is even more surprising. When the team was playing in Cleveland, it took on a new nickname: the “Iron Men”. The nickname of my high school alma mater, Cleveland Central Catholic, is “The Ironmen”. This is the kind of information baseball fans love to exchange in the long pauses between pitches, between innings, and between hot dogs and beer.

No, Alex Rodriguez was never a Mud hen -- but in 2007, they did (with beak in cheek) offer free agent A-Rod a contract that included a bonus for hitting 75 home runs in ‘08 and leading them to 10 straight International League titles. Hank Steinbrenner, son of the Yankees owner, asked The New York Times: "Does he want to go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee, or a Toledo Mud Hen?”

The Mud Hens may be a minor league team, but they’ve had a lot of major league talent over the years – and some legendary ballplayers have worn Mud Hens gear, including Addie Joss, Travis Fryman, Kirby Puckett, Casey Stengel, Jim Thorpe (yes, that Jim Thorpe), Frank Viola, and the great, drunken Chicago Cub’s slugger, Hack Wilson, who knocked in 191 RBI’s for the Cubbies in 1930 – a major league record that still stands. Click here for a complete list of Toledo Mud Hens alumni enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

It should also be noted that Toledo is the site of a failed late 19th Century attempt to break pro baseball’s color line. The 1884 Toledo Blue Stockings of the American Association, was the only major league team with black players (Moses Fleetwood Walker and his brother, Welday Walker) before Jackie Robinson and the Brooklyn Dodgers made history in 1947. Sadly, Cap Anson, the racist star of the Chicago White Stockings (alas, the modern day Cubs) refused to play on the same field as a black man. Though Anson relented when told his team would lose its share of the gate for an exhibition game against Toledo – Anson’s steadfast resistance to interracial play helped to draw an ignominious color line in baseball for another 63 years.

Now, back to 16” softball. Most of what you need to know about this wacky, egalitarian, and blessedly coed sport is encapsulated in this graphic from the website of the Chicago 16” Softball Hall of Fame.

Back in 1983, the Practical Theatre Company joined the fledgling Chicago Theatre Softball League, and someone — most likely Coach Wolf Larson himself — dubbed our team The Toledo Mud Hens. We played against teams from the Remains and Steppenwolf Theatres, among others. Bashing around the big 16” orb, a good time was had by all. And who can forget the time John Malkovich helped us to tackle Donny Moffat and give him a pink belly? But I digress…

Toledo Mud Hens on the stage of the PTC's John Lennon Auditorium (1983).

Jeff Lupetin. (Dig that crazy headband!)

These photos, taken in 1983, capture the distinctive batting stances of the early PTC Toledo Mud Hens. What we lacked in skill, we made up for in style. Of course, not all Mud Hens were without skill. Coach Wolf consistently crushed the ball at the plate and caught everything in centerfield within reach – and many that were far out of reach.

Terry Barron was a real honest-to-goodness shortstop that could field and throw with dexterity and flair. I witnessed Terry’s heroics many times from my post at third base. How good was I? Well, I still have a bent ring finger on my left hand from where I mishandled yet another bouncing, bounding 16” projectile.

Brad Hall, Casey Fox at the Bat, Isabella Hoffman

Julia Crowe, Jim McCutchen, Sally Nemeth

The Author, Stacy Upton, Shelly Goldstein

As Coach Wolf hits, note the all-star lineup of Hens on deck. (Photo by Jim McCutchen)

Over the years, players came and went – but Coach Wolf continued to hold the team together with the help of player-manager Ken Snedegar, and a new cast of Mud Hens clucked together into the early 1990’s. This edition of The Mud Hens was a winner. Heck! They even won league championships! And they had baseball cards, drawn by John Goodrich.

Here’s a select batch of some of Johnny B’s favorite Mud Hens cards from the six sets that he and Ken Snedegar produced. John tells me that many Mud Hen veterans have chosen the Paul Barrosse card from the first set (1985) as their favorite Mud Hen card portrayal of all time. It certainly captures my proficiency in the field.

For John, half the fun of the cards was the meticulous stats and “fun facts” on the backs, supplied by Captain Snedegar. You can see by the reading the back of Barb Reeder’s card in ’90 how far John and Sned progressed in their card-making, stat-tabulating craft.

Today, Coach Wolf is living in faraway Madrid, Spain – where I presume they have no 16” softball. Yet I know that, even in Spain, Wolf Larson is well aware that it’s baseball’s opening week – and that The Toledo Mud Hens will take the field to start the 2010 season this Thursday.

As for the Chicago Theatre League’s Toledo Mud Hens – they played in the league championship final on August 31, 2009. Does anyone know who won? Do we still know any Mud Hens on that team? Let’s hear you cluck, Mud Hens!

Now, here’s a gallery of classic Chicago Theatre League Toledo Mud Hens Cards, drawn by Johnny B. Goodrich.

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Return to Yosemite: Snowshoes & Rainbows

The natural power, the grandeur, and the serenity of Yosemite National Park have a grip on my family’s imagination, but while we’ve visited the park several times during the Christmas holidays and in the summer, we had never been to Yosemite when its snow-fed waters were flowing abundantly. We’ve seen Yosemite Falls and Bridalveil Falls reduced to a trickle in an August drought and choked by ice in late December. And though these legendary cataracts are impressive in any season, we could only imagine how impressive they would be in the spring thaw, when the snowpack in the Sierras swells the creeks that cascade over Yosemite’s towering granite cliffs.

On the last weekend in March, we got the chance to see Yosemite’s waterfalls at their free-flowing best – with some very colorful surprises!

Victoria and Eva encounter deer in Yosemite Valley.

For me, just getting to Yosemite this time was going to be an adventure. Victoria and the girls were driving up to the park on Friday morning, but I was going to be stuck at work until 4:30 pm that day. So, while they enjoyed the scenic car ride up California State Route 99 through the San Joaquin Valley to Fresno, and then northeast on Route 41 up into the mountains to the south entrance of Yosemite – I was leaving my office in Hollywood and sweating it out in traffic on La Cienega Blvd., trying to make my 6:30 flight out of LAX to Fresno.

Eva celebrates her arrival in the Yosemite Valley. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to get there.

Luckily, the travel gods smiled upon me, and I was among the last shuttle load of passengers to board our tiny American Eagle jet to Fresno, landing at 7:30 pm. By 8:30, I was behind the wheel of a rented Jeep (with 4-wheel drive so I wouldn’t have to worry about using chains in the possibly snow-covered mountain roads) and on my way up Route 41. I made Yosemite’s south entrance by 9:45 – and the moonlight hinted at the natural wonders I was passing on my way down to the valley floor.

Just before 11:00 pm, I drove up to the Ahwahnee Hotel, named for the the Ahwahneechee – the Native American tribe that inhabited the Yosemite Valley when the white men “discovered” it. I was happy to discover that my family, and the dear friends with whom we would spend the weekend, were waiting for this straggler to arrive.

On our previous visits to Yosemite we’d spent a lot of time at the lovely and historic Ahwahnee, designed by architect Gilbert Stanley Underwood and built in 1927, but we’d never stayed there. We’ve been to the celebrated Bracebridge Dinner in the dining hall at Christmastime, warmed ourselves by the huge fireplaces in the Great Lounge, and enjoyed many dark beers and hot bowls of chili at the Ahwahnee Bar after our winter hikes. This time, we were spending three nights at the Ahwahnee, and I was delighted to join my family and friends for a nightcap on the 6th floor sun porch (which was actually a full moon porch at the time) before retiring to our splendid, comfortable room.

Back in the early 1920´s, Stephen Mather, the National Park Service Director, chose the hotel’s site because of its stunning views of several of Yosemite´s natural landmarks – Half Dome, Yosemite Falls and Glacier Point – but those breathtaking sights would have to wait until morning.

The next morning, we enjoyed a quick breakfast on what was now truly a sun porch. Brilliant sunlight streamed through the windows, and the magnificent sheer cliffs that rise above the hotel were now in view. Those cliffs rise 3,000 feet above the valley floor – and today, we were going to hike to the edge of one of them.

We drove up Route 41 to Badger Pass Road, where we rendezvoused with two naturalists (not to be confused with naturists) who would guide us on an 8-mile snowshoe hike to Dewey Point.

It was my first time wearing snowshoes, and while these weren’t the classic snowshoes I’d known from watching Yukon Mountie movies as a kid, we all put on our red plastic versions and stepped out across the frozen snowpack through stands of lodgepole pines and blindingly white wide open meadows on our way to Dewey Point on the south rim of Yosemite Valley.

Note: From this point on, all the photos were taken by the tall and talented Brad Hall…

At an elevation of 7,385 feet, the air was crisp, fresh and relatively thin as we reached Dewey Point – where we were rewarded for our efforts on the trail with a stunning panorama from El Capitan to Half Dome – and beyond.

We paused on this glorious ridge to gape in wide-eyed wonder, devour a picnic lunch – and listen to our guides as they described what we were so fortunate to be seeing. Most interesting of all, was the background they gave us on Yosemite’s Native American population, and the local legends they inspired.

Chief among the legends was the story of Chief Tenaya — and the infamous “Curse of Tenaya.”

Me and Vic at Dewey Point.

Tenaya was the leader of the Ahwahneechee tribe — which means “people of the Ahwahnee” (Yosemite Valley) — when white men came to Yosemite for the first time in the 1830’s.  The Ahwahneechee were feared by the surrounding Miwok tribes, who called them “Yosemite” meaning “they are killers.” Some historians say the name is a corruption of the word “Uzumati” meaning “grizzly bear” — which was also a fearsome, deadly appellation. Clearly, Chief Tenaya and his warriors were a badass bunch.

The Barrosse & Hall families: a relatively badass bunch.

By 1851, tensions between Tenaya’s band and the white settlers in the Sierra started to increase, and the state of California decreed that the Yosemite natives should be relocated to reservations outside of the valley. The Mariposa Brigade was enlisted to carry out the relocation – an operation which eventually resulted in the tragic killing of Tenaya’s youngest son.

When Chief Tenaya was informed of his son’s death, he was enraged — and confronted Captain Boling of the Mariposa Brigade, expressing his anger in a fateful curse: ”Kill me, sir captain! Yes kill me, as you killed my son — as you would kill my people if they were to come to you! You would kill all my race if you had the power. You have made me sorrowful, my life dark.  You killed the child of my heart — why not kill the father? You may kill me, sir captain, but you shall not live in peace. I will follow in your footsteps. I will not leave my home, but be with the spirits among the rocks, the waterfalls, in the rivers and in the wind. Wheresoever you go, I will be with you. You will not see me, but you will fear the spirit of the old chief, and grow cold.”

To this day, it’s said that Yosemite Valley is haunted by the spirit of Chief Tenaya’s murdered son — and Native Americans and white folk alike attribute mysterious accidents and unaccountable deaths to the curse of Chief Tenaya. The old chief’s namesake landmark, Tenaya Canyon, located at the northwest corner of the park, is a particularly deadly place. Park rangers refer to it as the “Bermuda Triangle of Yosemite”.

On our way back down Route 41 into the valley after our Dewey Point hike, we came out of the Wawona Road tunnel, and paused to take in the fabulous panoramic view of the Yosemite Valley – featuring Bridalveil Falls. Incredibly, the cascading waters of Bridalveil Falls were lit up by a vivid rainbow: the kind of spectral vision that kept the Valley’s foremost promoter, John Muir, transfixed.

The next day, we explored the wonders of Yosemite Falls. I will let my very good friend Brad Hall’s photos tell the tale of our hike to the lower and upper sections of these landmark cascades. Brad’s inspired camerawork captured the beauty and majesty of Yosemite Falls – and those fabulous, ever-present rainbows!

Victoria's photo of the Bridalveil rainbow.

Many thanks to Brad for his marvelous photography – and for a wonderful weekend together!

Brad turns a pine stump into art.

Brad captures my last burst of energy at the end of our snowshoe hike.

Brad Hall: Adventurer, photographer, gentleman.

On the second day, we hiked to Yosemite Falls.

A rainbow on upper Yosemite Falls.

Sugar Pine: Up close & personal

Brad captures the details.

Upper Yosemite Falls.

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The Matey’s Log: Of Wind & Fog

On Wednesday July 23, 1896, The New York Times reported…

Nearly 114 years later, on the other end of the continent, another sailboat race fell victim to fluky winds, fog and calm…

As the crew of Sprit Decision gathered on H Dock in Ventura Harbor to prepare our boat for the third race of the Pierpont Bay Yacht Club’s Spring Series, there was only the slightest suggestion of a breeze. As we rigged our sails and made ready to get underway, we all knew what that anemic zephyr meant.

Light air.

Sprit Decision, a 32’ 9” Beneteau First 10R, is a relatively heavy boat among the contenders in the Spinnaker A class — and she’s not her best in light air. Her advantages of size and design come into play with about 10 knots of wind, and she truly enjoys filling her sails with 15-20 knots, so unless there was going to be a dramatic and unforeseen shift in the weather, Sprit Decision and her crew would be hard pressed to succeed.

As the boats met at Mandalay buoy for the start of the race, the sea was flat and the wind barely a breath. You know there’s very little wind when, from across the water, you can hear people talking in conversational tones on the other boats.  If anyone had been listening to the conversation aboard Sprit Decision as we moved sluggishly through the glassy water, they would’ve heard Captain George suggest that it might be a “Brophy’s Day” – by which he meant that if there wasn’t going to be any wind for this race, we might as well motor back to the harbor and enjoy a drink or two at Brophy Bros seafood restaurant. None of us took him too seriously. Captain George is always the last man to quit a race.

The start of the race was postponed as race officials chose a new, shorter course for the race. On this day, there would be no grand sail out across the Santa Barbara Channel and around one of the oil platforms. Instead, we’d race a less ambitious course, from buoy to buoy, closer to the coast.

As we jockeyed for position in the light wind, waiting for the five-minutes-to-start warning to sound, our veteran bowman, Claude, looked to the south and saw a line of fog approaching some distance from the south. “That’s not good,” he told me, but he didn’t explain why. That I would learn later in the race.

Bowman Claude sees the fog to the south.

After being surprised with only a one-minute warning prior to the start, we managed to get across the line slightly behind the leaders, and proceeded to the first mark, a buoy to the north of us called “Fish Sticks”. We were making 4.5 knots of boat speed with just 5 knots of wind in our sails. That’s pretty efficient sailing for Sprit Decision.

We rounded Fish Sticks in the back half of the pack – our smaller, less-heavy foes having the advantage in lighter air, but after deploying our spinnaker in a most seamanlike manner, we were soon running back to Mandalay buoy, plowing through the gently rolling seas at 6 knots in 6 knots of wind. We chased down one of the smaller Olson 30’s that had gotten ahead of us, and were hoping to overtake a couple more boats as the wind picked up and our boat speed increased.

As we got to within 200 yards of Mandalay bouy, we could see the fog rolling up toward the buoy from the south. By the time we got to within 50 yards of the mark, it was already getting hard to see the leading boats rounding the buoy in the fog. Soon, we were inside the fog ourselves, and as the fog moving north met the weak air current moving south – they cancelled each other out, the wind stalled, and Sprit Decision rounded Mandalay Buoy at a crawl.

For more info on the how and why of wind & fog, click here.

At that moment in struck me how drastically conditions can change in the Santa Barbara Channel. One moment, you sailing along on a sunny day in light wind on a gentle following current – and the next, you’re becalmed in dense fog on a flat ocean. And you’re watching the sudden, dangerous circus as boats try not to collide with each other while approaching, rounding, and leaving the mark – with little wind to give them power or control.

If you’re a sailor, you may find it interesting to know that we jibed the spinnaker as we rounded the mark and were still flying our kite as we ran northeast back to Ventura Harbor. (I’m still a bit confused as to how these things happen.) What I do know is that within ten minutes, the fog cleared, the wind picked up, and we got across the finish line in Ventura Harbor just as the wind was dying again.

Captain George called me that evening to say we’d finished 5th out of 10 boats in the race. And while we weren’t going to take home any trophies for our effort that day, it had been the best day of light air sailing we’d ever enjoyed racing Sprit Decision.

Our next sailing adventure is the Newport to Ensenada race on April 23rd. I’m hoping that the words “light wind” and “fog” will have no place in the account of that race.

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A Healthy Change

Congratulations to President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and House Democrats on passage of a landmark Health Care Reform bill.

It was worth a long, long day watching C-Span to see history (much like sausage) being made on Sunday night, March 21, 2010, as a major Health Care Reform bill passed the House of Representatives. While it’s true that this bill doesn’t go as far as I’d like in reforming the health care system in America – I’m a single-payer guy myself – it’s a giant step in the right direction. At the very least, it stops the most egregiously greedy, hard-hearted practices of the insurance industry.

But seriously – why do we need these health insurance companies anyway? All they are is a money-grubbing middleman between patients and health care providers. The entire industry is a money-skimming scheme writ large. Their business is making billions of dollars in profit – which they make by not providing health care. Someday, I’d like to see them out of the game altogether.

Of course, Republicans, in lock step, opposed this historic legislation — despite the fact that over 200 Republican amendments had been incorporated into the bill. Clearly, the GOP has no interest in true bipartisanship. At least Senator Jim DeMint (R-South Carolina) was completely honest when he said that defeating President Obama’s health care reform initiative would prove Obama’s “Waterloo”. Senator DeMint and his colleagues’ only agenda was to damage Obama, not to help Americans in need of a break from fast-rising insurance premiums, or who lost their coverage because they were sick, or were denied insurance because of a pre-existing condition. Sorry, Senator DeMint, if this was Waterloo, it looks like you’re Napoleon. (Hope you enjoy your stay on Saint Helena.)

After all the lies, fear-mongering and demagoguery – it’s nice to see the dark side licking their political wounds.  And now, with health care reform soon to be the law of the land, they can get their wounds treated in an improved health care system.

Next up: financial regulatory reform.  It’s time to give the Wall Street Banksters a taste of progressive change, too.

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The Two-Minute Brain Cleanse

Most of us have a lot of important and pressing matters on our minds these days: family, work, politics, war, the economy, our NCAA tournament brackets, etc.

We wonder whether we’ll have enough money when we retire, or whether we chose the right career, if President Obama will really get Congress to pass the freaking Health Care Reform bill this week, or if that 14th seed we picked to upset the 3rd seed in the first round of NCAA March Madness will turn out to be a stroke of basketball genius — or a foolhardy choice that dooms us in our office pool.

We live in a complex world with lots of complex problems — and we all struggle with our facility to comprehend the full scope of the dilemmas we are facing, let alone our ability to solve them.

Global climate change, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the recession, and other grave concerns crowd our thoughts and tax our limited resources of wisdom and sanity.

And then, there’s the daily, mind-numbing effort it takes just to get the television remote to work properly.

It’s no wonder our heads get clogged with nagging confusion, frustration and concern.

Every now and then, a bit of mindless fun is just what the doctor ordered to clear the mind. Consider the following video a two-minute cleanse for your constipated brain.

There you go. Feel any better?

Thanks to my good friend Bob P. for providing me with this bit of momentary mental relief.

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A Congressional Flush

Five Jokers make a flush right?

Let me begin by setting the record straight. The mainstream media would have you believe that President Obama is in desperate straits and his support among the American people has plummeted. However, in the 2008 Presidential election, Obama won with 52.9 percent of the vote – and the same pundits and Washington wise men proclaimed this a sweeping victory. This week, the latest Associated Press-GfK poll put public approval of President Obama’s job performance at 53 percent. Virtually unchanged since his “sweeping” win on Election Day.

So, while President Obama experienced a nearly unprecedented spike is his approval rating right after his inauguration, and while he’s endured a bruising first year in office confronting the disastrous condition of American economic and foreign policy in the wake of the long Bush-Cheney nightmare, and even though he’s disappointed a lot of progressives like me in various ways – Obama’s managed to retain essentially the same level of public support he had on the day he was elevated to the Presidency.

But Americans don’t feel the same way about Congress. According to the same AP-GfK poll, fewer people approve of Congress now than at any point in Obama’s presidency. In fact, the job approval rating for Congress is an anemic 22 percent. That’s pretty much what George Bush’s ratings were when Obama was elected.

Congressional Republicans get lower ratings than their Democratic colleagues – but not by a very comfortable margin. And that’s as it should be, because Congressional Democrats, especially in the Senate, have managed to squander their majority. GOP filibuster threats become de facto filibusters. Somehow, Republican Senator Olympia Snowe and Independent turncoat-gasbag Joe Lieberman are allowed to become power players. And small state “Conservadem” Senators like Max Baucus of Montana are allowed to write critical Health Reform legislation with the help of insurance industry lobbyists and GOP obstructionists like Iowa’s Chuck Grassley who were never going to allow Obama a legislative victory on anything – let alone an epochal Health Care reform bill.

Weren’t Congressional Democrats listening when Republican Senator Jim DeMint said a defeat on health care would be Obama’s “Waterloo”? Jeez! If an NFL quarterback telegraphs his intentions that obviously he usually gets intercepted.

So, there are plenty of valid reasons to be fed up with Congress. And after shuffling my deck of Congressional playing cards, I dealt myself five Jokers right of the top. Alas, I know there are a lot more in the deck…

Note: All italicized language in quotes is taken from the official websites of the legislators in question.

Joker #1: Senator James Inhofe (R, Oklahoma)

Oklahoma’s senior U.S. Senator, Inhofe is one of the biggest tools in Washington. “Simply put, no one consistently represents common sense, conservative Oklahoma values more than Jim.” Of course, that means the guy loves oil, oil, guns, oil, homophobia, and oil.

“Jim has been a strong advocate for the principles of limited government, individual liberty, and personal responsibility.” Senator Inhofe may be into personal responsibility – but corporate responsibility not so much. He’s the leading climate change denier on Capitol Hill, and a sure vote against financial regulatory reform.

Here’s all you really need to know about Inhofe. He won the “Lifetime Service Award” from the Oklahoma Independent Petroleum Association, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce’s “Spirit of Enterprise” Award, and an “A+” rating from the National Rifle Association.

Joker #2: Senator Mitch McConnell (R, Kentucky)

First elected to the Senate in 1984, Mitch McConnell is the longest-serving U.S. Senator in Kentucky history. He’s also made entirely of wax. For many years, Senator McConnell was on exhibit at Madame Tussaud’s in Hollywood, but the election of Barak Obama inspired him to return to Washington and do whatever he could to block the new President’s agenda.

McConnell is the Senate Minority Leader, which means he gets up every morning ready to say “no” to everything Obama and the Democrats propose. In McConnell’s caucus, such unrelenting negativity is called “bipartisanship”.

When McConnell was reelected to the Senate in 2008, he won nearly a million votes, the most ever received by a Kentuckian in a statewide race. Gee whiz, nearly a million votes statewide? Big deal. There are 1,596,165 registered voters in the city of Los Angeles alone. Barbara Boxer needed nearly 7 million votes to win her California Senate seat. Hell, her opponent, Bill Jones, lost with more than 4.5 million votes! And this wax puppet McConnell gets to sit high and mighty in the Senate, working to deny the Public Health Insurance Option that millions of California voters are demanding?

Joker #3: Representative John Boehner (R, OH-8)

House Minority Leader and tanning bed addict, John Boehner was elected to a 10th term in November 2008. And this is a guy who likes to talk about term limits! He’s “a national leader in the fight for a smaller, more accountable government.” Unless, of course, there’s a Republican in the White House – in which case Congressman Boehner is just fine with turning a Democratic administration’s budget surplus into a multi-trillion dollar deficit.

“Throughout his time as a small businessman, state legislator, and Member of Congress, John has been a straight-shooting and relentless advocate for freedom and security.” Unless, of course, a lying, obfuscating Republican Presidential Administration wants to hype false charges of Iraqi WMD to justify a war in Iraq that took our eye off Bin Laden in Afghanistan, handed Iran a potential satellite state in Iraq, and inflamed anti-American sentiment throughout the Middle East. Feeling more free and secure now? Thanks, John. Your tan is fading almost as fast as your credibility.

“John is fighting to eliminate wasteful spending, create jobs, and balance the federal budget without raising taxes. He has challenged Republicans in the 111th Congress to be not just the party of “opposition,” but the party of better solutions to the challenges facing the American people.” Oh man, where to start? My head hurts. Oh, wait, I get it now. His website must be written for laughs – you can’t say Boehner has challenged his caucus “to be not just the party of opposition” unless you’re kidding. See? I told you Boehner was a Joker.

And now in the true spirit of bipartisanship…

Joker #4: Senator Blanche Lincoln (D, Arkansas)

Blanche Lincoln made history in 1998 when she became the youngest woman ever elected to the United States Senate at the age of 38. Good for you, Blanche. But what have you done for us lately?

Lately, Blanche Lincoln has proven herself to be aptly named – because so many things she’s done have made me blanch. If she wasn’t so deep in the pocket of corporate interests, and the health insurance industry in particular, she might be a useful player in the Senate Democratic caucus, but instead, she’s been a thorn in the side of progressive reform efforts since Obama’s election. And she’s been a total drag on Health Reform. Conservative Democrats like Blanche Lincoln are the best argument for legislating by reconciliation. She makes a mere 51 votes look real, real good.

“Senator Lincoln is at the forefront of efforts in Congress to end partisan bickering and get results for the American people. She helped form the Moderate Dems Working Group, a new coalition of moderate Senate Democrats who work with Senate leadership and the new administration to craft common-sense solutions to our nation’s most-pressing priorities. In addition, she co-founded and currently co-chairs “The Third Way,” an organization dedicated to crafting practical and creative solutions to old problems.” In other words, she’s an obstacle to progress: the queen of watering down truly progressive initiatives to mollify conservative voters in her home state. She’s not a Democratic party leader, she’s a timid, frightened, ambitious, bought-and-paid-for small state pol. If she’s not, she’ll have plenty of chances to prove otherwise. I won’t be holding my breath.

Joker #5: Representative Bart Stupak (D, MI-1)

Bart Stupak was first elected in 1992 – but nobody outside of his Michigan district ever heard of the guy until he hijacked Health Reform legislation this year, holding it hostage to his self-serving, caucus-splitting, hot potato abortion amendment. It didn’t matter to Congressman Stupak that the Health Reform bill the House was ready to pass did NOT provide federal funds for abortion – it was too good an opportunity to grandstand for his pro-life constituents and grab his share of the headlines at the expense of reforms that could save the lives of the nearly 45,000 people who have already been born – that die every year for lack of health insurance. What’s pro-life about that?

Ironically, Stupak was named the 2007 National Rural Health Association’s “Rural Health Champion” His website says that, “In his 14 years serving the 1st District of Michigan, Representative Bart Stupak has been a tireless advocate for his rural constituents, rural health care providers and the patients they serve.” Unless, of course, Bart has the chance to scuttle better health care for his rural constituents – and everyone else – as he gins up the culture wars by exploiting one of the most divisive issues in America.

If Bart is truly interested in promoting rural health, what’s he done with his infamous Stupak Amendment is, well, stupid. Or maybe just Stupak.

So there you go, 5 Congressional Jokers. It’s a flush worthy of flushing.

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Oscar Night Highs & Lows: A Poll

The 2010 Academy Awards, celebrating the film industry’s best and the brightest, have been doled out to the winners and, for the most part, I can’t argue with the choices made by the Academy voters.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that I won last night’s Oscar Party poll. Because even though I managed to watch “The Hurt Locker” the day before the awards ceremony – and I knew at once that Kathryn Bigelow’s film deserved all the Oscar buzz it was getting – I still couldn’t resist voting for “Avatar” and the amazing world James Cameron created.

As it turned out, Cameron’s $300 million dollar film was amply rewarded for the stunning world it created with Oscars for Visual Effects, Art Direction, and Cinematography. But Bigelow’s much smaller budget war movie about an American bomb disposal unit working the shattered, nervous streets of Baghdad won for Best Picture, and not even James Cameron seemed to mind.

Who would've imagined that the first woman to win Best Director would win it for a war movie?

Aside from a couple of unnecessary lines of dialogue in a couple of scenes toward the end of the film, “The Hurt Locker” is a contemporary classic: something that every American should see. And now that it’s picked up a slew of Oscars, millions more will see the film in this country and around the world.

Think about it. What would a Best Picture Oscar have meant to “Avatar”, which has already earned $2.6 billion dollars worldwide? That’s more than 120 times what “The Hurt Locker” has done at the box office so far.

It can’t hurt to have more Americans watch Jeremy Renner and his fellow cast members portray heroic young soldiers risking their lives to protect their fellow soldiers — and an ambivalent, if not openly hostile Iraqi populace — from sudden, ultra-violent death. There’s no glorious war to be seen in this movie. Just serial carnage.

Bravo, Bravo Company!

As for the rest of the awards and the ceremony itself, the good far outweighed the bad. It was great to see one of my all-time favorite actors, Jeff Bridges, take home the gold.

And everyone in my family knew I’d be pulling for my cinematic sweetheart, Sandra Bullock – in a successful sports movie, no less! (That’s a two-fer!)

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were the kind of hosts for a major TV event we haven’t seen since the golden days when Bing Crosby and Bob Hope casually knocked out vaudeville one-liners with effortless comic precision and old school show biz bonhomie.

Bob and Bing show us how it used to be done, Back in the day, you had to be triple threat to be a star.

And who didn’t love the brilliant, recently-discovered Cristoph Waltz in “Inglorious Basterds” — playing the most loveably entertaining yet thoroughly evil Nazi we’ve seen since TV’s “Hogan’s Heroes”. This award was never in doubt. They could have handed Waltz his golden statuette right after Quentin Tarantino’s offbeat World War Two revenge fantasy opened last summer.

And did anyone seriously think that any animated feature film other than “Up” was a contender? Personally, I was happy to see “Up” win two major awards, just so they could keep cutting back to Ed Asner – which, I’m sure, gave right-wingers a conniption all evening. (Come to think of it, just about everything on Oscar night gives conservatives a pain.)

But, among the generally satisfying symphony of elegance and good taste on Oscar night, there were, alas, a few discordant notes. If you saw the show – you know what they were. But what was the most sour note of all? You may not have gotten a chance to vote for the Academy Awards, but you are welcome to vote in our poll…

And just so we’re not dwelling unduly on the negative, I also invite you to cast your vote on a positive note…

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An Open Letter to Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Background Note: On Tuesday March 2nd, several of Z’s former Cleveland teammates, including Anderson Varejao, Anthony Parker, and conditioning coach Stan Kellers, visited Ilgauskas in New York City, hoping to persuade him to re-sign with the Cavs and help them make a run at the NBA title. Ilgauskas, who maintains a home in SoHo, was traded to the Washington Wizards in a February deal for All-Star forward Antawn Jamison.

The Wizards bought out Z’s contract, making him a free agent — and it’s possible that he could return to the Cavs, but only after the 30-day waiting period required for players traded from their former teams. Unfortunately, Z is still free to sign with another team if he chooses to do so. Hopefully, he’ll re-sign with the Cavs.

But, as we Clevelanders can take nothing for granted, I must make my personal case to Zydrunas Ilgauskas…

Dear Zydrunas,

Please come back to Cleveland.

I would be a lifelong Cleveland Cavaliers fan if I hadn’t been born 12 years before the franchise played its first game in the fall of 1970. And after all those years of supporting the Cavs through thin and thin, it looks like this year’s talented team is finally on the verge of bringing my hometown its first major national sports championship since the great football Browns shut out Johnny Unitas and the Baltimore Colts 27-0 in the NFL title game on December 27, 1964. On that legendary day 46 years ago, the Browns were lead on the ground by Cleveland’s foremost sports superstar, Jim Brown, and in the air by Gary Collins’ NFL record-setting four touchdown catches. It was also the first NFL title game to be televised by CBS. (They didn’t play the Super Bowl back in those days.)

The Cleveland Cavaliers need you, Z. For 14 years — since you were the Cav’s 20th pick of the 1996 NBA Draft — you’ve been the best big man in the franchise’s history: the best since 35-year old Hall of Famer Nate Thurmond patrolled the paint for the Cavs in their miracle 1976 season, which ended with a loss in the Eastern Conference Finals to the star-studded Boston Celtics. In fact, I saw Nate shatter a backboard on a dunk at the Richfield Coliseum – back when backboards could still shatter.

But you, Z, have been the stalwart on a steadily improving team that was finally blessed with decent front office management and an epochal 2003 draft pick, LeBron James. Four years later, King James got to the NBA Finals in 2007 with you at center, didn’t he Z? (Though the San Antonio Spurs won all four games.)

I realize that Cavs management felt the team got beat up down low in the Eastern Conference Championship last season. Orlando’s Dwight Howard is a beast in the paint, but honestly Z, we didn’t lose that series in the post. The Magic’s Hedu Turkoglu and Mickael Pietrus killed us on the perimeter. We Cavs fans never blamed that loss on you, Z. At least not the knowledgeable among us.

I know this season has been one of highs and lows for you, Zydrunas.  You dealt with the blockbuster trade for Shaquille O’Neal with professionalism and a team-first mentality that endeared Cleveland fans to you even more, if that was possible. Despite not being a starter for the first time in years, you came off the bench in a December 2, 2009 game against the Phoenix Suns to break the team record for career games played, overtaking General Manager Danny Ferry.

Then on February 17, 2010, you were traded to the Washington Wizards as part of a three-team, six-player trade that, among other moves, brought Antawn Jamison from Washington to Cleveland. Your agent said you felt like a pawn in that deal. There’s no doubt that Jamison is a great addition to our frontcourt – but you were a great loss. However, there was always a loophole in the deal that would make your return to the Cavaliers possible. In fact, after being bought out and waived by the Wizards, you can re-sign with the Cavs after March 22nd.

And since Shaquille O’Neal injured his thumb on February 25th at Boston — when his shot was blocked by Glen “Big Baby” Davis with just over 7 minutes left in the first half — we need you, Z, more than ever. Shaq had surgery on his injured right thumb and seems likely to miss the rest of the regular season.  We need you back at center to take over on the block for Shaq. (Not to mention your lethal 3-point shooting!) And when the playoffs begin, we need you and Shaq to become powerful partners once again. Shaq’s injury has written the perfect script for a hero like you.

You belong in Cleveland, Z. Where else but in Cleveland can you play for a fan base with such a high percentage of last names that are harder to pronounce than your own?

Z was the 1998 MVP of the Rookie Challenge -- Back when he had hair.

When the deal for Shaquille O’Neal was made, Superman arrived with an “S” on his chest.

Now, we Cavalier fans are counting on a familiar hero, with a “Z’ emblazoned on his jersey. And on our hearts.

Come home, Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

Your rightful share of an NBA title is within your grasp.

With love and admiration,

Paul

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