Daily Archives: August 26, 2012

Storm Tracking with Pat Robertson…

On Sunday morning televangelist and former Republican Presidential candidate Pat Robertson took to the airwaves of his Christian Broadcast Network to weigh in on the direction — and intention — of Tropical Storm Isaac, which was gaining strength as it appeared to be headed toward Tampa, Florida, site of this week’s Republican National Convention.

“Isaac’s deadly winds shall be God’s vengeance upon Mitt Romney, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, and all of those godless, spineless cowards who knuckled under to the haughty, oversexed feminists and abandoned the Lord’s righteous Missouri Senate candidate this past week,” said Robertson, in one of his patented pronouncements, mixing the meteorological and metaphysical.

“Congressman Todd Akin shall see his profound medical wisdom and faith defended by the gale force Hand of God, as He wreaks his wrath upon Romney, whose magic underwear shall be scant protection from the tempest. An angry God will stand up for his Pro-Life champion by dealing death from above.”

But later in the day, as it became clear that Isaac would skirt the Florida coast, gaining power as it bore to the west in a wide swath from the Florida Panhandle to New Orleans, Robertson went back on CBN, telling his 700 Club co-host Terry Meeuwsen that “God’s way are mysterious — but The Almighty has told me that, rather than strike Tampa with the full force of his righteous hurricane he has decided instead to smite Romney and his fellow Republican apostates with the Drizzle of Damnation and repudiate them with a blast of Righteous Inconvenience.”

CBN has announced that as the National Hurricane Center revises it’s projections of Tropical Storm Isaac’s direction and intensity in the coming days, Pat Robertson will also issue an updated series of pronouncements regarding “those upon whom God intends to visit Isaac’s frightful devastation. Mr. Robertson is personally hoping for a landfall in New Orleans on the seventh anniversary of Katrina, so he can double down on his previous insanity.”


Filed under Comedy, Politics