Quackery in the Backyard

First it was this guy. He appeared about a month ago, swimming in our saltwater pool, looking very picturesque: obviously a male duck (known as a drake) – and clearly a Mallard. Mallards are, after all, the most common wild duck in the U.S.

My wife and daughters and I were delighted to see him – and, as with all our pets, we christened him with a Shakespearean name, Shylock.

We were pleasantly surprised when Shylock kept returning to our pool. There were no fish in our pool, no minnows, no water plants, no edible fauna or flora of any kind (thanks to our pool men) – so clearly, Shylock was just passing through.

Neighbors and other pool-owning veterans warned us that ducks would make a mess of our pool, clogging the filters and fouling the bottom. But I figured, how much damage can one duck do?

Then, a couple weeks later, she showed up.

She was obviously a female (known as a hen)– and thus was dubbed Lady MacDuck.

From our hasty research, we learned that Mallards usually begin their migration back from Mexico and points south to their northern breeding grounds in March and April. So Shylock and Lady MacDuck were right on time.

But where would they choose for their breeding ground? Surely, our backyard pool — a lifeless saltwater pond – held no permanent attraction for a pair of mating Mallards?

Then, two days ago, we looked in the backyard and saw this…

Lady MacDuck was proudly leading a squadron of twelve newborn ducklings around our pool. (Ducklings are precocial — capable of swimming as soon as they hatch.) Their nest, it turns out, was hidden in the landscaping next to the pool.

The dozen ducklings have also acquired names, all from The Scottish Play: Malcolm, Duncan, Macduff, Donalbain, Lennox, Ross, Banquo, Macdonwald, Fleance, Lady Macduff, Lady Macbeth and Cawdor. (Though I can’t tell one from the other at this point.)

The current breeding population of Mallard ducks is estimated to be almost 10 million. 14 of them are now living in and around our pool. But for how long? We clearly can’t run them out. They’re too damn cute. (We’ll have to keep a wary eye on our killer cat, Caliban.)

From what I’ve read, the ducklings will be ready to fly in about two months (50–60 days to fledgling). Though, before I left for work today I looked around the backyard and didn’t see them. Which isn’t too alarming. Heck, I missed the whole 28-day egg laying, nesting and hatching process – and it was going on right under my nose!

I’ve also read that female ducks tend to breed near the place they were hatched — or near a previous breeding site. If so, unless I missed all the previous backyard duck breeding action in past years, Lady MacDuck is an oddball. But, for now, she’s our oddball.

And her dozen ducklings are just about the cutest little cruisers you can imagine.


Filed under Beauty, Random Commentary

17 responses to “Quackery in the Backyard

  1. Linda E.

    What fun.
    But yeah, watch out for that Caliban…

  2. John P. Doyle

    Wonderful story and a wonderful account of it ! Can we keep Calaban at bay ?!

  3. Jerry G

    Just Priceless.


  4. Jim Lillie

    Great story, Paul. Too bad they didn’t have an odd-looking, slightly dopey chick you could have named the Porter.


  5. Fat Dave

    How totally wonderful, I laughed out loud more then once.

    Do you think the ducks might continue to defy duck logic, and fly north to Chicago in June to see your show? After all, they’re entertaining you now, you ought to return the favor!

    BTW, I don’t know if you ever met Danny Lord he’s a clown who works Ren Faires, and has had a few ducks in his act over the years. Maybe I should put you in touch with him, put them ducks to work,huh, get them in a row.

  6. emiliab9291

    No. She can’t be Lady MacDuck. It’s Macbeth or Macduff or GTFO. I’m just sayin’. I’m a purist when it comes to pet-naming.

    Everything goes haywire when I leave ….

  7. Reid

    You know you’ve gotten old when you completely miss out on the sex part. Nice ducks, though!

  8. Colorado Mom

    Way too cute, but having had a swimming pool for many years, I hope the cleanup is not too difficult, once they fly away. Meanwhile, they offer great entertainment.

  9. Stewart Figa

    Shylock’s a father in your back yard, huh? Well… If you “Vic” us, do we not breed?

  10. rushy

    Nice story, Paul, but I can recognize a photo-shop when I see it. I am just curious as to how you expect to profit from this scam?
    Jaded from reading too many oil company execs explain their profits and defend their tax breaks and incentives.

  11. Shelly

    Pray keep Caliban away from your Shakespearean Ducklings.

    Anything happening to them would be “Murder Most Fowl!”

  12. Barbra

    Sam would robsbly mother them rather than devour them…How darling…Never heard a quack…The weather in Maui SUCKS! Love, B & J.

  13. Just be careful–remember what happened to Tony Soprano.

  14. Mark Emond

    How in the world did you get a saltwater pool? And why? Mark

  15. Great story Paul,
    But why no Daffy or Donald in the naming process?

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